Disappearing Act, Part V

Monday morning.

Name of God, name of God!

Keeping the manuscript for more than two months, that wasn’t enough for them, oh no! They had to spill coffee on it, and they returned it to me, refusing it with an advertisement! Do they realize what they’ve done?

Mary saw the ad.
- So, what now? she said.

Contempt in her voice.
- Now?

I tried not to explode.

- You still believe that you’re capable of being a writer?

I did explode.

- Of course, they’re right, they are infallible, huh? I’m worthless, just because they said so?

- It’s been going on for seven years. Without any results.

- And it will continue on anyways. A hundred years, if that’s what it takes.

- You’re refusing to take the work that Jim offered you?

- Exactly.

- You have to do it in case your book fails.

- I have a job. And so do you! And that’s just how things are going to stay.

- Possibly, but I won’t be sticking around for it!

Then she left me! And afterwards? I let go of everything. Bills… writings … failures, failures! And my old life, that was wearing away drop by drop, building up a wall of complexities like a maniac playing with blocks.

You! Master of the world, regulator of the universe. If there is someone who understands me, get rid of them! Simplify the world! I don’t believe in anything but I would give it up, no matter what on earth, if only…

What good is it? Everything’s the same to me.

I’m going to call Jane today.